Before You Arrive: It’s Okay to Feel Uncertain

First sessions can bring a myriad of emotions. You might be feeling quite hesitant, questioning if this is even the right decision for you. You might feel hopeful that this is a positive step forward; one that will support you through a difficult road ahead. 

Many of my clients have reported feeling worried about crying the whole way through their first session; feeling anxious that I won’t truly understand their experiences. Some have even told me that they really feared they wouldn’t be able to talk about their loss and the whole session would be sat in awkward silence. 

All of these thoughts are valid. 

What I would say is that you don’t need to prepare anything in advance, and there’s no “right way” to show up. Whether you feel numb, overwhelmed, angry, or disconnected, you are welcome exactly as you are.

Starting Gently: Getting to Know You

I usually begin by introducing myself and explaining how the session will work. I talk through the therapy agreement (basically the parameters that we both agree to work within so that we have a solid foundation to begin our work together). It also helps you to understand the approaches that I use in my work and how confidentiality in sessions works for your own peace of mind. 

We then move on to talking a little about what has brought you to therapy. I’ll ask some gentle guiding questions that will help me understand a little more about how things are impacting your life right now. It will also help me build a bit of a clearer picture of any significant life experiences, previous losses, the important people in your life that make up your support system and the things that already feel helpful to you as these may be things we lean into during the most challenging times.

I never pressure anyone to go into detail. You can share as little or as much as you feel able to in the moment. My priority is to ensure you feel safe and held during this time.

Making Space for Your Grief

One of the most important parts of this first session is simply having a space where your grief is acknowledged and held.

You may cry.
You may feel numb.
You may struggle to find words.

All of that is okay.

Unlike many spaces in everyday life, therapy allows your loss to be recognised without minimising, fixing, or rushing you to “move on.” I am there to sit with you in it, not to take it away, but to help you carry it.

Talking About What You Need

Some people think that they need to have a clear idea of what their goals or targets are in their first session, but this isn’t always the case. For some, entering a therapeutic relationship isn’t about turning up knowing exactly what they hope to change, it’s simply about beginning a journey of healing. 

You may have a hope to feel less anxious if you are pregnant following a loss. You may be seeking some support in navigating changing relationship dynamics as you walk a challenging fertility path. You may be finding it difficult to process a loss and are seeking some tangible tools or mechanisms that can help you move through your grief. 

If you’re unsure what you want from therapy, that’s okay too. It may simply be that you don’t want to feel like this anymore. 

Everything is a valid starting point.

Building Safety and Trust

The first session is also your opportunity to get a feel for me as a therapist. Ask yourself if the session feels safe enough; if you feel truly heard; if you believe you could really open up and be vulnerable with me in the space. 

Trust isn’t always immediate, it often builds gradually. But feeling respected and emotionally safe is key to a successful therapeutic relationship.

After the Session: What You Might Feel

It’s common to experience a range of emotions afterward, including:

• Relief at having shared
• Emotional exhaustion
• A sense of vulnerability
• Or even uncertainty about how it went

There’s no “correct” reaction. Therapy can gently open things up, and it’s okay to take time to process afterward.

A Final Thought

Starting therapy after pregnancy loss is an act of courage.

You are stepping into a space where your grief can be seen, your story can be told, and your experience can be held with care.

You don’t need to have the right words.
You don’t need to be “ready” in any perfect way.

You only need to begin.

If you’re considering therapy after pregnancy loss, know that you deserve support through this. Find out more about how I work with perinatal loss and fertility challenges here. You can book also free introductory call and we can go from there.